Why Is Being Confident So Important?

by Dr Emma Gray - 26th June, 2012

The Importance Of Confidence
We are all born with a combination of attributes both physical and psychological. The range of these attributes is diverse from physical attractiveness and strength to intelligence and artist creativity and also variable. However, it is not where in the metaphorical queue for these characteristics we were standing that determines how influential a part of our personalities they become. The mere existence of these traits is necessary but not sufficient for them to have an impact on our experience of life as there is not a direct relationship between a particular attribute e.g. intelligence and the successful use of that attribute e.g. academic success. There is a third variable, referred to in statistics as a mediating variable, which governs the relationship between the ‘raw materials’ and the potential result when they are put to use. In the case of human potential and achievement this mediating variable is Confidence.
Confidence will determine whether the physically strong individual is able to harness their prowess and achieve success in a sporting arena, it will determine whether the physically attractive individual is perceived as such by their peers and thus able to enjoy the benefits of this trait. Confidence will influence whether the intellectually gifted can apply themselves and the artistically exceptional can create. It is the difference between having a supportive and nurturing internal voice that has belief in personal potential and can be accepting of mistakes and a self critical and punitive internal voice that undermines and creates doubt and anxiety when new challenges and possibilities are faced.
Confidence is not designed by our genes; we are not born with it. Its foundations are built during our early experiences and in our first relationships (most importantly with parental figures) via messages that we are good enough, deserving of love and respect, capable, supported and cared for and that these things are unconditional. Confidence or the lack of it, underlies all of our experiences and determines our struggles and our successes. Without it life will be hard and our potential unmet, with it, regardless of the combination of raw material we possess, we will be content, comfortable and successful wherever we apply ourselves.


If you are suffering with any of the issues discussed in this article and would like to seek professional help then you may find our page about Anxiety problems useful.

If you are suffering with any of the issues discussed in this article and would like to seek professional help then you may find our Low Self Esteem Page helpful.

Dr Emma Gray

Dr Emma Gray

I am often the first person with whom my patients share significant and intimate thoughts and memories; I never take that privileged position for granted nor the opportunity to help someone to feel better about themselves and discover a more fulfilling life. One of my colleagues once described me as a natural psychologist; I guess she was alluding to the fact that I feel at ease being a therapist, I can empathise with people’s distress and discomfort but don’t feel overwhelmed by it, I can understand their problem and know how to help, it has always just felt like what I should be doing.

Read more about my approach to counselling here...

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