How Does Couples Counselling Work? 6 Tips.by Dr Emma Gray - 20th August, 2013
Let us first answer the most important question ‘Does Couples Counselling Work’? The short answer to this is yes. What is important though is that the couples involved must be prepared to make it work for them and show commitment to change.
So how does it work, what are the main points to consider?
1/ A secure environment in which to talk and express both of your feelings.
One of the significant benefits of couples counselling is that you are in a safe and controlled environment in which to discuss and explore the problems in your relationship. We often hear people say that the inability to communicate with each other is one of the main frustrations they have, with conversations following the same set path or going round and round and not leading anywhere.
2/ Taking positive action together to solve your problems.
Entering therapy can be seen as the first step to resolving your differences and shows commitment from both partners to change and improve their relationship.
3/ Why do we always end up arguing?
It is inevitable that couples will disagree, fall out and take up different positions from time to time. What can be a problem is if these always turn into heated, repetitive arguments with no clear resolution and no apparent end.
Time with your therapist will help you to identify why and when this is happening and allow you to put in place a more effective way of discussing difficult subjects.
4/ A different perspective
Being with a third person, who is trained to deal with these situations, can help to break the cycle of arguments and frustrations many people find repeated in their relationships. A Therapists careful and considered management of the time and conversation allows both parties equal opportunity to air their feelings and facilitates a cooler more considered view to be taken.
5/ A regular weekly time for you and your partner
You may have found that your arguments seemingly went on all week with no definite beginning or end and this was the only way you communicated with each other. As a result the atmosphere at home would often be very tense, which only heightens the problem.
Having a regular weekly appointment, in which you are learning skills to avoid this way of living, also allows you to manage these disputes and bring them to therapy to discuss instead. The pressure and anxiety in the house will be much diminished and you can begin to focus on what’s important and good about your time together.
6/ The next step.
Your sessions will be about learning new skills to more effectively communicate and resolve issues.
These skills can be applied to many parts of your life and will help with all your personal and work relationships.
I found it enlightening when you talked about how regular counselling would provide suitable time for us to properly discuss and work on certain personal issues that he have with our partners. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now and it has taken a toll on the way we interact with each other. I think it would be smart to hire a professional to help improve our relationship as soon as possible.