How To Cope With A Relationship Break Up – Part 2

How To Cope With A Relationship Break Up – Part 2

by Dr Emma Gray - 18th April, 2018

Broken Heart Robot

In the first part of this blog I described 3 techniques to help you to cope when a relationship ends. In this second part I will describe a further 5 techniques.

1.Routines and task

Fill your day with routines and tasks that give you a sense of pleasure and achievement. This will give you stability, structure and purpose and it will lift your mood. It will also build your self-esteem and confidence in your ability to cope and be on your own.

2.Take Care of Yourself

If the end of a significant relationship means that you have been rejected or treated badly it is important that you counteract this by taking care of yourself. Take every opportunity to reconnect with what you like to do and do it. This is an important technique for building self-esteem and confidence and for alleviating depression.

3.Avoid Negative Comparisons with Others

When our mood is low we have a tendency to compare ourselves negatively with others for example, every couple on the street will seem as if they are madly in love, all of our friend’s partners will suddenly appear to be super attentive and caring and we may struggle to think of anyone we know who is in the same position we are in. If you notice yourself doing this bear in mind that we are never more aware of what other people are doing than when we are unhappy or dissatisfied, when things are going well for us we barely give others a second thought. Also, what we see when we are unhappy is seen through the lens of our unhappiness. So, remember, everyone is struggling with something, no matter what they post on Instagram, and negative comparisons are much easier to make when you are feeling negative and are rarely very accurate.

4.Be Alone

When an intimate relationship ends it is common to feel as if you cannot be alone, you may feel quite panicky at the prospect and notice an urge to quickly find another partner. However, it is important for your long-term happiness, self-esteem and confidence that you allow yourself time to process the end of the relationship and don’t try to cope with the anxiety by rushing into another relationship. For a start it is very difficult to make a healthy choice if you are starting a new relationship to avoid being alone. Also, it is important that you give yourself the chance to build your confidence in your ability to be alone, it is so much better for your emotional well being and longer-term happiness if you are in a relationship because you WANT to be, not because you believe you NEED to be.

5.Make It Count

Finally, make this change (unexpected or not) in your circumstances count. Use the time to pause and think about where you are in your life and what you want moving forward. There is something good to be gained from every experience if we look hard enough to find it.

Trust that you will feel better soon, human beings are robust and nature has equipped us with the psychological skills and strengths to deal with loss, trust this and put one foot in front of the other.

To recap the previous part of this article, click below to navigate.


Dr Emma Gray

Dr Emma Gray

I am often the first person with whom my patients share significant and intimate thoughts and memories; I never take that privileged position for granted nor the opportunity to help someone to feel better about themselves and discover a more fulfilling life. One of my colleague once described me as natural psychologist; I guess she was alluding to the fact that I feel at ease being a therapist, I can empathise with people’s distress and discomfort but don’t feel overwhelmed by it, I can understand their problem and know how to help, it has always just felt like what I should be doing.


Read more about my approach to counselling here...


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