Are We All Just Worried About The Same Thing?

Are We All Just Worried About The Same Thing?

by Dr Emma Gray - 8th November, 2012

It seems that our greatest fears and worries and the mental health problems that arise from them are underpinned in the most part by one of two key concerns, either a belief in our own worthlessness or a belief that we will be abandoned by those that we love. The extend to which we all hold these core beliefs depends on our early experiences and their influence on us on an on going basis will be determined by whether or not these beliefs have been triggered by our current experience. These beliefs can be broken down into the following specific concerns:

For a Core Belief of Worthlessness –
No man/woman I desire could love me once he/she saw my defects.
No one I desire would want to stay close to me if he/she knew the real me.
I’m unworthy of the love, attention, and respect of others.
I feel that I’m not lovable.
I am too unacceptable in very basic ways to reveal myself to people.

For a Core Belief of Abandonment –
I find myself clinging to people I’m close to because I am afraid they’ll leave me.
I need other people so much that I worry about losing them.
I worry that people I feel close to will leave me or abandon me.
When I feel someone I care for pulling away from me, I get desperate.
Sometimes I am so worried about people leaving me that I drive them away. (Young & Brown 2003)

If you are suffering with any of the issues discussed in this article and would like to seek professional help then you may find our page about Mental Health problems useful.

Dr Emma Gray

Dr Emma Gray

I am often the first person with whom my patients share significant and intimate thoughts and memories; I never take that privileged position for granted nor the opportunity to help someone to feel better about themselves and discover a more fulfilling life. One of my colleagues once described me as a natural psychologist; I guess she was alluding to the fact that I feel at ease being a therapist, I can empathise with people’s distress and discomfort but don’t feel overwhelmed by it, I can understand their problem and know how to help, it has always just felt like what I should be doing.

Read more about my approach to counselling here...

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