How To Help Your Child Deal With Anger – Part Two

How To Help Your Child Deal With Anger – Part Two

by Dr Emma Gray - 6th November, 2014

In the first part of this blog we looked at what to avoid when your child is angry and an effective ‘calm down routine’. In the second part of this blog we looked at understanding why your child is angry, helping them to solve the problem that their anger is alerting them to and then maximising the quality of their learning experience.

1. Understand

All emotions, including anger, are understandable if you consider the context, and the starting point in understanding the reason that your child is angry is to remember that anger serves the function of alerting up to perceive mistreatment. Once your child’s anger has reached a level where they can think with you about what it is that has made them feel so angry, sit with them quietly and try to work out the source of their perceived mistreatment.

This will show the child that their feelings are important and should be attended to. This knowledge will future proof their mental health as they will learn that our emotions, when responded to appropriately, help us to navigate through life.

2. Problem solve

Once you and your child have identified the reason that they are feeling angry help them to put together a plan of action to deal with the perceived mistreatment bearing in mind that you are trying to teach your child to respond to their anger assertively, ensuring that their needs are met without ignoring those of others.

This will build self esteem, confidence and self worth and help them to avoid future anxiety, depression and anger problems (including aggression and passive aggression). Once the plan of action has been put in to practice, talk to your child about how it went and whether in the future the plan could be improved.

3. Praise

Finally to reinforce all that they have learned praise them for working with you to understand their feelings and for finding a good way forward.

To recap the previous part of this article, click below to navigate.


Dr Emma Gray

Dr Emma Gray

I am often the first person with whom my patients share significant and intimate thoughts and memories; I never take that privileged position for granted nor the opportunity to help someone to feel better about themselves and discover a more fulfilling life. One of my colleague once described me as natural psychologist; I guess she was alluding to the fact that I feel at ease being a therapist, I can empathise with people’s distress and discomfort but don’t feel overwhelmed by it, I can understand their problem and know how to help, it has always just felt like what I should be doing.


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